The Cliff Scene from Piranha 3D

Every script you write has stuff that is changed, deleted or refashioned as it takes the journey from written page to moving image. And it’s no different with Piranha 3D.

In interviews and conversations online, I’ve mentioned a scene that Pete and I wrote for Piranha that was ultimately cut entirely from the film… and it was later kinda-sorta used as inspiration for a scene in the Piranha sequel (Piranha 3DD), although THAT scene was VERY different from our take. While we did no writing on Piranha 3DD, our original scene was part of the arbitration material for writing credit because it was used as a jumping off point for the van scene in the sequel.

Our original scene was cut from Piranha 3D for budgetary reasons (you’ll notice that it’s a pretty expensive scene to shoot)… and I’m sure Alex Aja had his own reasons for cutting it as well.

After a number of requests to see it (most recently from @dolph5troy on Twitter), I’ve linked the PDF to the full sequence for anyone who is interested. In our Piranha 3D script, the sequence was intercut with other scenes in the movie (I’ve cut all those beats out, unless it included an important transition in, or out, of a scene).

This scene isn’t the best we’ve ever written… FAR from it. It was written close to 15 years ago and never got the usual benefit of multiple rewrites leading up to the production because it was cut four or five drafts before the shooting the draft. BUT I’m obsessed with this sequence mostly because it was the first scene we wrote when pitching to write to Piranha 3D. An even earlier version of the scene was written before we ever got the job… it was written as an audition piece to get the producers to give us the source material to write Piranha. At the time, we’d never written a horror movie before so we needed to prove that we could do it. So, for all intents and purposes, this is the VERY FIRST HORROR SCENE I ever wrote. Which is why I have such affection for it. For me, it’s one of those scenes that “got away”. I wish we’d have seen it shot, especially by Alex (who I thought did an amazing job with P3D).

Anyway, take a look if you want.

Cheers.

Josh

A Twitter Q and A session

From Sasha Blore (@SashaFusion)

Q:  What keeps you going when you’ve had a really tough day writing and your brain feels like mush?

A: I have two different answers to this question. If it’s a once-in-a-while occurrence, and the mushy brain is coming from other problems in your life, or a bad night of sleep, or stress... I usually throw up the white flag, put the computer down and call it a day. Treat yourself to some hours off, binge watch a show you’ve been dying to catch up on, walk the dog to the park, or answer emails that have clogged up your inbox. Your body needs rest after a physical work-out, and your brain is no different. If, however, these struggles plague you often, you’ve GOT to push through and find a way to keep going. Just make peace with the fact that this is going to be “the bad version” of the scene... jump forward and try to write a scene in the script that excites you later in the story... or trick your brain with consequences (“If I don’t get to the bottom of page 57 by 3:15 P.M., I’m not allowed to play Doodle Jump until next Sunday.”) I’ve actually deleted games off my phone because I lost a bet with myself... but at least I’ve got a few extra pages in the books. 

Shooting on location in Toronto for Jigsaw (the cops actually came to set this day because someone reported seeing a dead body swinging from the bridge).

From Reel To Real Productions (@ReelToRealPro)

Q: What helped land you the Jigsaw gig?

A: Getting hired on Jigsaw took YEARS. Literally. Having had a few horror movies under our belts (Pete and I wrote Piranha 3D and Sorority Row, as well as a few other horror scripts... for instance, we wrote a draft of Halloween before it moved over to Blumhouse), our agents were able to get us in the door when Lionsgate and the producers of Saw decided to start thinking about making another film after several years away from the franchise. Pete and I came up with a full 45 minute pitch, that detailed the entire movie... front to back, soup to nuts. It was COMPLETELY different from the final movie (to give you an example of JUST how different it was, our story took place in the middle of the ocean). We pitched our hearts out... and then... RADIO SILENCE. Nothing for close to six months. Then, we got a really nice phone call from Oren Koules, one of the producers, saying that they had heard dozens of pitches over the months and there was one moment in ours that he loved and couldn’t stop thinking about. That got us a SECOND chance at the plate. For our new story, we worked off of that one moment that Oren said he loved, and came up with a completely DIFFERENT pitch. We fleshed it out and went back in to the lion’s den to pitch out our new story. For context, there pitches are done in a room with all the producers of Saw, along with the head of Lionsgate and a few of the other execs that have worked on the franchise for years. It’s intimidating and grueling and you need to memorize your pitch and sell it hard. Again, we were close but… no cigar. This time, though, we won over two of the producers and worked with them on version number three. Which turned into versions number four and five. Each new pitch incorporated things that people liked from the LAST version and built upon it. Finally, we were “officially” hired (meaning we signed a contract and got paid to start writing). The final script was pretty similar in theme and general plot of that last verbal pitch, but it still veered off in some important ways (for instance, our first draft of the film, in script form, had 70% of the action happening OUTSIDE, but we eventually moved everything into the barn for both production reasons AND because it was decided that it would be more difficult to create that claustrophobic Saw atmosphere if we were shooting in the woods). When Pete and I were on set, he turned to me at one point to remind that we started on this journey close to three years prior. It was a long time coming but definitely worth the ride.

From the very first play I ever directed. Juvie at UVM.

 From Cody Starks (@StarksCody14)

Q: What inspired you to become a screenwriter/director/producer in Hollywood?            

A: Short answer: Star Wars, Raiders of the Lost Ark, and Halloween. Slightly longer but not my complete life story answer: I was really into theater in high school. I loved acting (I was the Artful Dodger in Oliver and Teddy in Arsenic and Old Lace). I went to the University of Vermont to study theater, and THOUGHT I was going for acting, but I soon realized that I loved directing even more. I directed six student-produced shows there in four years (including West Side Story and Sexual Perversity in Chicago). After directing some summer stock theater after college, I moved out to Los Angeles and got a job as a producer’s assistant on a tv show (Parker Lewis Can’t Lose) and that’s where I fell in love with writing... from sitting in the writer’s room for hours every day. On that little show, I saw some of the greatest future writers working (Clyde Phillips of Dexter fame, Tom Spezialy of Desperate Housewives and The Leftovers, Adam Barr of Will & Grace, etc.) So... over many years, the job eventually found me. 

Incarnate. My first… but hopefully not my last… novel.

 From Nadja Seraphina (@nadja_seraphina)

Q: Is it more rewarding to write a book or a screenplay? And which writing process do you prefer?

A: “Rewarding” is a tricky word. If we’re talking FINANCIALLY rewarding, screenwriting wins hands down. Hell... it wins hands, feet and pretty much every part of your entire body... down. I won’t talk actual numbers here… BUT… my salary for writing my book (which is 340 pages of single spaced prose) is roughly 1/20th of what I was paid to write a half hour network sitcom (less than 30 pages). That said, taking money out of it completely, writing the book was an incredible experience because it’s a FINISHED product. Screenplays and teleplays are a blueprint for the final film and no one knows or sees your work on the page. I’ve written screenplays that I’ve LOVED that have turned into horrible movies, and that’s incredibly disappointing and demoralizing. But the high salary eases that pain a little. As for the “process” question, I am a dialogue guy. I love writing dialogue. And I love thinking about actors interpreting that dialogue. So, I guess I prefer writing screenplays for that reason. But I’ve already started my second novel, and I’m hoping that, as I continue to hone my voice, it will be something that I continue to do for many years to come.  

NOTHING CAN STOP IT!!!!

 From Nick Welborn (@PSRChannel):

Q: What horror movie would you like to see get a remake? For me, it has to be The Blob. The only way to do it is practical effect. A CGI Blob will be horrible.

A: First, I agree with you on the Blob. Could be a fun remake. I’ll push back SLIGHTLY on the CGI... if it was BIG budget, I think CGI could be an option, if you were REALLY paying for the effects. If you were doing CGI on a TV budget for a low cost film, then yes, it would be a disaster. As for the remake question, I’ve always LOVED remakes (as you can tell from my IMDb page), but I’ve always approached remakes with two underlying philosophies. First, that you don’t remake GREAT films. Why bother? If you’re remaking a movie, take a film that didn’t completely succeed and find a way to make it better. That said, I DID write a remake for To Catch a Thief at Paramount… that was a GREAT film… so even I break my own rules. Second, I also try to find a unique way into the material. I’m not saying that Piranha 3D is crazy inventive, but our way into it was “Piranha at Spring Break”. That hook made me smile... it made me think “Boy, I’d like to see that movie” and that’s why we decided to write it. Finally, to answer your main question: What movie would I like to see a remake of? A few of the movies I’d LOVE to remake are The Deep, The Outsiders (a modern take), The Last Airbender (Pete and I actually wrote the first two episodes of the Nick show and I DON’T think the movie did the source material justice), Terror Train (I’ve pursued this for YEARS), and The Entity (another film I’ve been in hot pursuit of). There are TWO more that I could list, but I’m CURRENTLY already working on them for studios so I can’t list them. 

Mandela Van Peebles in our spiralizer Jigsaw trap.

From Luke (@PhotoshopHorroz)

Q: During the time when you and Pete Goldfinger were writing Jigsaw, how did you come up with the idea for the spiral trap?

A: So, the spiralizer trap was a team effort, and I have to give FINAL credit more to the Spierig Brothers than to us. In our last script before the Spierigs came on board, our trap was different. We had Mitch hanging upside-down (the same as the final film) and we had the motorcycle powering the trap (the same as the final film), but instead of being lowered into the spiralizer, our trap had a pulley slowly inching toward him with spinning knives. In our script, this propeller-like device chopped Mitch up slowly... his guts leaking from his body as the skin was cut away before his insides were cut apart. His intestines came tumbling out of his belly, almost looking like a rope reaching to the floor… giving the sick feeling that he could climb down on his own intestines. The last beat of that scene from our script...

Blood and chunks of flesh rain to the ground.

Anna and Ryan turn away, unable to watch the carnage.

Finally, the engine mercifully stops. Mitch’s hacked apart body hangs... lifeless... gruesome. The remaining strands of skin strain against the weight of his top half.

ON THE GROUND with Ryan and Anna. After a beat... JUMPSCARE as the top half of Mitch’s body SUDDENLY falls. SLAMMING to the ground next to our remaining pair of survivors. BAM!” 

So... a lot of the pieces were there, but, the truth is that the spiralizer ITSELF came from the twisted minds of Peter and Michael. I hope that satisfies your question.

Why Michael Stipe is Wonderful!

The first concert I saw in college was R.E.M. 

I didn't follow R.E.M in high school.  I proudly worshiped at the feet of Prince... and, not so proudly, at the feet of Journey, Wham, and Duran Duran. Despite my parents' AMAZING taste in music -- Jackson Browne, the Persuasions, Tom Waits -- my teenage musical tastes were shit!

Not Prince, mind you, I still contend that Prince is the greatest musician to ever live. Full stop. 

When I arrived for my freshman year at the University of Vermont, the kid across the dorm hallway from me was named Jim Reinholz. I showed up at college having NEVER DRUNK A BEER BEFORE (yeah, I was THAT kid in high school), and day one at UVM, I watched Jim pee in the bathroom sink WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY shotgunning a beer. He encouraged me to "shoot the boot" -- which was basically to drink a beer that he poured into his smelly shoe. I LOVED this guy! Yes, I know my initial description makes it sound like he was an alcoholic caveman, but he was a sweet, kind guy -- truly a wonderful human being with whom I enjoyed having deep philosophical discussions. And it was Jim who introduced me to R.E.M.

Now this was the R.E.M. before Out of Time and Automatic For the People. Before Losing My Religion and Drive and my favorite R.E.M. song Nightswimming. They had just released Document, and they were definitely still a "college band". The song I fell in love with was Superman. Jim and I went to see them play UVM's gymnasium on Halloween night, and I have this lovely image of Michael Stipe, holding a pumpkin over his head, while belting out Superman, burned into my memory. Before the end of the show, they also played their big hit off of Document... "It's the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine)". It was an amazing show and I became an R.E.M. fan for life!

CUT TO...

Years and years later. R.E.M. became one of the most well-respected rock bands on the planet... Michael Stipe, one the most influential political activists in all of music... and I became a dorky kid in Los Angeles struggling to get my first movie made. 

The movie I got made was called Kids In America.

I co-wrote the movie with a friend of mine, Andrew Shaifer, who also produced it. He also assembled an unbelievable cast -- just check out IMDb and then realize that we shot the film for less than the price of a ham sandwich. 

Looking back on the film, I admit that the movie is waaaaay too earnest and it struggles with a million problems that a typical first film suffers from. But the little movie is incredibly special to me... not just because it was my "first time", but because when I made it, I wasn't jaded yet by Hollywood. I wanted to make a teen movie that "said something"... that made a difference. I freely admit that I hit the audience over the head with my message, pounding viewers harder than Kathy Bates hammered James Caan's feet in Misery, but I didn't know better. 

One of the big plot points in the movie shows a gay student (played by the very funny Alex Anfanger) kissing another boy in the school's hallway, and this innocent act is seen by the tyrannical principal (played by the awesome Julie Bowen).

The gay student gets expelled, which starts a revolution amongst the student body, leading to a big rally where the leader of the teenagers (played by the fantastic Gregory Smith), convinces ALL the students to kiss a member of the same sex, "because she can't expel ALL of us!" 

That's a photo of Nicole Richie kissing Caitlin Wachs, which is what I think earned us a spot on At the Movies with Roger Ebert and Richard Roeper. Richard panned us, but we got a thumbs up, and a very kind review from Roger, something that will forever make me happy.  

Now, what does this all have to do with R.E.M.?!?!?

Well, when you're editing a film, you use all your "wish list" music in the cut, and one of the songs we used in one of those last cuts was the R.E.M. hit "It's the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine)". 

Now, if you don't know how music works in movies, the rights to songs are often the MOST EXPENSIVE part of the process. The music business charges astronomical fees to license hit songs for films. So what happens when you fall in love with your "temp music" and then you find out it's going to cost 50 thousand dollars to use the song? Especially when you made the movie for peanuts and can barely afford to pay for a credit sequence? (By the way, we did our credit sequence "old school" by shooting the credits on a bathroom wall so we didn't have to pay to have them digitally rendered).

I was heart-broken when I found out that I'd have to sell my first-born son to get the rights to the R.E.M. song.  (By the way, here's my first-born, Asher, riding the director's shoulders on the set of Kids in America! That's Greg with the black cap, Stephanie Sherrin in the curls, and Andrew behind me in the cap.)

So there was no way we were getting R.E.M. because we had NO MONEY. 

But Andrew wasn't going to give up. He and his wife at the time (writer and magazine editor Jane Pratt), had a connection to Michael Stipe! It was a long-shot, but we set up a "friends and family" screening of the unfinished film, and invited Michael to attend. 

AND HE CAME!

I still remember sitting in the audience as the film built to the moment where R.E.M.'s song kicks in, and I saw Andrew tap Michael on the shoulder (as if to say, "recognize this song?") and Michael gently shook him off, not out of rudeness, but because he was engaged with where the film was going and how the song was being used. It's no secret that Michael Stipe describes himself as "queer" and our film had a very pro-gay agenda (not something you typically saw in a teen film at that time).

When the lights came up, and people were chatting about the movie, Michael approached Andrew and me, and when Andrew boldly asked him if we could use his song, he nodded quickly... "yes, I'd like that." When we explained that we had no money to actually PAY for the song, he repeated, "you can use our song".

I'm no longer the unjaded filmmaker that I was on the set of Kids in America. But I'm also someone who deeply and thoroughly believes that most people are, inherently, good. I know it's hard to believe that, given all the breaking news about the rich and powerful taking advantage of others, abusing their power... but it's people like Michael Stipe who help me continue to believe that we can overcome the darkness.  

He didn't have to help us. But he did. I still love R.E.M., and I will always try to pay good deeds forward when I can.  

Two quick final photos...

First, my buddy Jim Reinholz in the first play I ever directed!!!!! It was called Juvie! He was there for the start of my directing career!  He wasn't an "actor", but I convinced to him to come audition because I loved hanging out with him! That's him on the right, and that's my writing partner, Pete Goldfinger, on the center of the bench behind him!!!!  

Second, the billboard outside a theater showing my movie "Kids in America". Notice the other film playing in the same cineplex... SAW 2. Everything comes full circle!

I wrote a book!!!

Yup. I wrote a book.

It's called Incarnate and its got a little mystery... a little thriller... and even a touch of horror. 

It's an idea that I've been working on for YEARS. I actually sold the idea as a television series a couple of years ago to the CW. I wrote a pilot, and even convened a writing staff to help outline the first season and we wrote a few episodes. It turned out to be a little too dark for the network, but I couldn't let go of the characters... so I decided to write a novel to get the story out into the world. 

The book was JUST released. The publisher is Simon & Schuster, along with Emily Bestler Books and Alloy Entertainment (who were the producers on the TV show). 

I'm excited to share the book with you, and I'm still hoping to find a way to get Incarnate onto the screen (big or small). That's where YOU come in. It would mean a LOT to me if you could pick it up, check it out, and most importantly,  write up a short review on Amazon or GoodReads (that's one of the best ways for Incarnate to find an audience).  

CLICK ON THIS SENTENCE to link to Amazon where you can purchase the book, the eBook, or the audiobook (don't worry, I don't read it, we hired professional actors). You can also rate the book there (another way to help).  

Thank you so much! 

This was my Dad.

I never really thought of him as my father.

He was always my DAD.

And he was an incredible one. One of the truly extraordinary dads. 

He was the kind of dad who, when I was struggling in the city's little league (I cried, at the plate, every time I struck out... and I struck out EVERY time), my dad decided to help organize a local league just so that HE could be my coach and help me enjoy the game of baseball.

A lot of my friends still call him "Coach" when they see him.  

1) My dad; 2) me (on deck to cry); 3) Dad, when he coached my brother, Jason's, team. 

My mother got pregnant with me when she and my dad were still kids, barely out of high school. She came from a conservative, Christian family from the midwest. He was a Jew from New Jersey. They were CLUELESS. To demonstrate just how clueless, after my mother got pregnant, she was surprised to find out how a baby got out of a woman's body... when my father told her that I'd be exiting from her vagina, she was genuinely surprised... "Out of WHERE!?!?" The plan HAD been that they were both going off to college. I put the kibosh on that. And the fact that they stayed together for nearly 50 years after that inauspicious start is a testament to how amazing and loving and kind both my mom and my dad are. 

Quickly, this is one of my absolute favorite stories about that time, that so perfectly sums up the kind of person my dad was. So my mom's pregnant. They decide to get married (or, perhaps, my mom's parents decided that they were going to get married). My dad needed to call his parents to tell them the "good" news. My grandfather picks up the phone, and my dad blurts out: "I got Pat pregnant and we're getting married." Pissed off, my grandfather proceeds to HANG UP ON HIM IMMEDIATELY. But my dad, not wanting my mom to know that there was a problem, stayed on the line, PRETENDING to continue the conversation, "Thanks, Pops...I'll let her know how happy you are... Sure, I love you, too." Just so my mom wouldn't be hurt.  

He was that kind of guy.  

1) My mom and dad; 2) my mom and dad; 3) my mom and dad and me. 

My dad gave me the best answer to the usually boring question, "What does your father do?" I'd do my best to shrug casually when I'd respond: "P.I."  Yeah, for the last 30 plus years, my dad was a private investigator and process server. But he did many other cool jobs earlier in his life, like making stained glass (one of his lamps hung over a pool table at Graceland). 

My dad loved art (we have at least 100 sculptures and original paintings in our home, including a couple of my own photographs above my mom and dad's bed).

He was the kind of dad who ALWAYS supported his family. When I said I wanted to act, and later, when I said I wanted to write and direct movies, he and my mom were ENDLESSLY supportive. Not only that, they paid for me to have a theater degree, which is basically throwing money away. When my brother decided to start a restaurant in Colorado, again the checkbook came out. In a race to blow through the my parents' savings, my brother and I are in a dead heat. 

He was the kind of dad who, when he dressed up for Halloween, would REALLY dress up for Halloween. He was the kind of dad who would randomly decide to build a car so he could drive it in a demolition derby.  He was the kind of dad who, despite having NO carpenter skills whatsoever, would decide to build a GIANT porch onto our house by himself (my mom, a few friends, and plenty of beers were always on hand).  

1) Dad playing dress up; 2) my dad's demolition derby, and; 3) a break on our back porch. 

He was the kind of person who was always on the right side of history... after the events in Selma in 1965, his mother, my grandmother, took a bus from New York to Alabama to join the March on Montgomery for equal voting rights, and that's one of the things that framed my dad's look on life. As a young man, when abortion was illegal in many states, my dad started an organization to help match up women in need with out-of-state doctors. After my brother and I left for college, my mom and dad decided to take on foreign exchange students, opening their home to two kids from Japan for the summer. Aside from art, on the walls of my home hang albums by Charlie Parker & Woody Guthrie, speeches and quotes from MLK and other Civil Rights leaders, and one of my favorites: a Ben Shahn poster, which has hung in our house for as long as I remember, reads: "You have not converted a man because you have silenced him."  

My dad loved to travel and took frequent trips across the world with his amazing friends. Africa. Israel. Cuba. Italy. He loved animals. He loved music. He REALLY loved to cook.  He loved his grandchildren.  

Dad taught me how to fish. He taught me how to ride a bike. He taught me to make a jump shot. He taught me how to be kind. But one of the most important gifts he gave me was a sense of humor. My dad was so funny. He didn't tell jokes... no, he was just FUNNY. Whatever sense of humor I have was honed and developed by years of living with my dad.

I'm going full screen on these because they really make me happy...

Early days with Mom and Dad at the beach. 

Later days with Mom and Dad at the beach.

1) Dad in his glass shop; 2) Mom and Dad posing; 3) I have no fucking idea, but it's funny.

I know the first thing that most people want to know is "what happened?... he was only 69 years old... how did he die?" And the truth is that I'm still processing what happened. The simple answer is that "the end" started several months ago. There is a very rare neurological disorder called Transverse Myelitis that can be triggered by the flu shot. And that's what happened. A few days after he got his flu shot this year, he started having trouble walking. The doctors didn't diagnosis it in time (which limits the recovery chances). And a few weeks later, he was paralyzed from the waist down. He fought it for a few months, but when he was told that it would never get better, and he was in great physical and emotional pain, it all just became too much to bear.

But I want to end on the positive. On the incredible memories I have of my father. And the legacy of love that he has left in my heart.  

This was our family at the start...

Mom and Dad and Jason and me. 

And this is how I remember my Mom and Dad best, most recently on a family trip to Hawaii. 

Pat & Pete.

One of things I loved about my dad the most was how affectionate he was. From the time I was baby, all the way up to the last time I saw him, we kissed hello and goodbye. It didn't matter that he was a grandpa and I was a "dad" now myself, there was always a spoken "I love you" at the end of every visit, every phone call, every time. And a kiss. 

I am really going to miss my dad. 

Me and Dad.

The time Carrie Fisher left this writer speechless.

I'd say that Carrie Fisher was my first crush, but that would be a lie... Susan Dey actually holds that "honor". Laurie Partridge was the first girl I remember having a thing for. I listened to the album "Up to Date" on heavy rotation on my Fisher Price record player and stared longingly at Laurie's photo on the cheesy cover, hand awkwardly placed on her cheek. I still remember her birthday from the cover's artwork... December 10th.

But Carrie Fisher was the first WOMAN I ever loved.

Well, me and about 20 million other adolescent boys.

Star Wars came out at the PERFECT time for me. I was almost ten. And that film made me believe in magic. For years, my brother and I would listen to the soundtrack at full volume in our living room, playing with our cheap plastic lightsabers, imagining ourselves saving the world, pretending to be Luke and Han... and talking about rescuing the princess. But I realized much later that the reason I actually loved Leia was that she didn't need to be rescued... she talked back, had an attitude, held her own in a gun fight, and oh my God... those BUNS... I'm talking, of course, about her hair. "Somebody has to save our skins! Into the garbage chute, fly-boy!"

Princess Leia was the first feminist icon that I had a personal relationship with as a young boy.  

But that doesn't mean I didn't have a relationship with her as a sexual icon as well... I remember lying in my bed at night, with my stuffed king-sized bear named Louis, and pretending he was Leia, and needing to kiss the bear 100 times before I was allowed to fall asleep.

The Empire Strikes Back did little to relieve my crush. I remember feeling the same jealousy that Han felt when she impulsively kissed Luke in the hospital bed.  I imagined her calling ME a stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf-herder.

God, I so wanted to be her scruffy nerf-herder.

Carrie Fisher was the first woman I remember really having feelings of LOVE for. She was my ideal woman. I know, I know, as I said, me and about 20 million other boys.  

But 20 million other boys didn't get the chance to hang out with her! 

I spent a week with (okay, AROUND, not "with") Carrie during the filming of our movie Sorority Row. Carrie was cast at the house mother, Mrs. Crenshaw, in the film. I'd follow her around the set, just hoping to find a "natural" way to bump into her and start up a conversation. By this time, while my crush was still strong, I admired her for completely different reasons. For those who don't know, Carrie was an INCREDIBLE writer.  Postcards from the Edge, while not a perfect movie, was INCREDIBLY funny and moving and the kind of script that I would have KILLED to have written: "I did not lift my skirt, it TWIRLED UP!"  Perfection!

Anyway, I was still in love.  And, over the week of work, I was able to arrange for a half-dozen of these "chance" encounters, whether at the craft service table or between rehearsals... or waiting outside her trailer like some crazy stalker.

Carrie's bouts with mental illness are well-documented, and she had an assistant that walked around with her. One of his responsibilities was to quickly whisper into her ear the name of the person that was approaching. Despite being the writer on the film that she was shooting, her assistant had to remind her of my name each time I approached.

The third or fourth time I chatted with her, I swallowed my pride and asked for a photo. She happily obliged. While most of the time, when taking a picture with a celebrity, it looks like an awkward high school prom picture, but, as you can see from the shot above, Carrie leaned in and really gave me a warm hug. For all I know, she was doing it to balance herself, but I can't tell you how incredible that moment was for me. 

After the shot, I told her that the 14-year-old me would be DYING if I told him that I'd just hugged CARRIE FISHER! She then said, "Well, let's give him something to really die over" and she pulled down my head and planted a huge kiss on my lips. Not nearly obscene, but far from chaste. When she pulled away, I could NOT stop smiling. "I'd just as soon kiss a Wookie" Carrie Fisher just kissed me!  

She smiled at my stunned expression and walked back to her trailer.

The next day, as I approached Carrie on the set, and her assistant started to lean down to remind her of my name, Carrie turned to him, and said: "I know Josh's name!" I'm not so sure if she actually did, but she played it off well. 

Although Sorority Row was probably just an insignificant blip in Carrie's incredible life, I am thankful that it gave me the opportunity to have a few conversations about writing, and acting, and our childhoods. 

Sure, the 14-year-old would have died if he'd seen that kiss from Carrie Fisher coming. But it meant SO much more to the 40-year-old.

Why I Hate Kevin Dillon

Whenever somebody asks me how long I’ve been with my wife, my stock answer is: “Too long.”

Twenty years might seem like a long time, but if you were married to my wife, you’d realize that it easily feels like forty.  Not that I don’t love her!  There’s nothing I love more than Leila, except for, possibly, my children.  And The Walking Dead. 

My wife can be challenging.  Not that I make it easy for her.  As surprising as it might seem, I am far more challenging to live with than she.  But I don’t have to deal with my own bullshit. 

If you single out just one of my wife’s annoying imperfections, you’d think I have it made.  It’s when you put them all TOGETHER that you begin to see the hell I live in.

Example:  No shoes are to be worn in our house.  Ever.  I vehemently disagree with this rule.  I love wearing shoes.  Feet kind of disgust me.  And having to tell every friend or guest or 95-year-old grandparent that he has to take off his shoes to enter my living room... it’s humiliating.  Which may, in fact, be my wife’s plan.  I thought becoming an adult and moving out of my parents’ house would allow me to do crazy shit like wear my shoes inside my own house.  I was wrong.

That’s just one example of many.  Like having to wash your hands every time you enter the house (even if you’ve just walked outside to grab the mail).  The dishes MUST be put away immediately!  Then there’s the situation with her toes (you’ll have to trust me on this one). 

While my deficiencies far outweigh hers (just a perfunctory glance at my photo will make that obvious to you, but I can also be a slob, incommunicative, irresponsible, the list goes on…), I will say that I try to walk a very fine line with how far I can push her with my own bullshit.  It’s a constant tap-dance to get away with as much stuff as I can, while still making sure that I wake up next to her. 

Why do I tap-dance?  Why do I let her humiliate me?  Don Draper would think I’m the biggest wussy in the world!  (I used the word “wussy” here instead of “pussy” because as I was writing that sentence, I heard my wife’s voice inside my head saying that the word “pussy” might alienate some of my readers, i.e. her.)  So why do I put up with it?

The answer is that she would have a MUCH easier time “trading up” than I would.  And she proved this in our third month of dating.  It was a genius move.  And one that still has me awe-struck. 

It was a Friday night.  We were out having a couple of drinks with friends at The Cat and Fiddle (a pub in the heart of Hollywood).  I had probably had one too many Appletinis. 

SIDE NOTE:  One of my other annoying imperfections is that I love to drink girly cocktails.  Usually after ordering my Fuzzy Navels or Lemon Drops, my wife likes to follow up with the waitress, inquiring whether my drink comes with a tampon.

Anyway, I was a little drunk, and in a moment of inflated self-worth, I suggested to Leila that perhaps we were “moving too fast” in our relationship.  We had only been together for a couple of months and we already spent nearly every night together.  I suggested that maybe we should consider dating other people while our relationship grew. 

Leila smiled.  “Sure.” 

And she got up to use the bathroom. 

I was on cloud nine.  I get to still have sex with my hot girlfriend... AND I get to continue chasing other young ladies at the same time.  Win-win for me! 

It was a while before I realized that Leila had not come back from the bathroom after fifteen minutes.  I was probably too busy scoping out some of the women I might consider hitting on later.  But my Cosmopolitan was on empty so I hit the bar to refill. 

And that’s when I saw Kevin Dillon.  He wasn’t yet the popular Entourage actor that he is now, but I still knew him from Platoon and The Doors.  He was making out with a curvy brunette on his lap.  

It was Leila.  My now-wife.  After swallowing his tongue for a few more moments, she glanced back at me with a curt smile and a shrug.  “You said you wanted to see other people,” she said simply.

It was a Machiavellian maneuver that accomplished EXACTLY what she had expected it to.  When we got back to my apartment, I admitted that I had completely “rethought” my plan of us dating outside our relationship, and if she would only re-consider, perhaps she, too, would like to become monogamous.

She had checkmated me so quickly that I barely had time even to fantasize about all the girls I was going to have sex with.

Now... I blame Kevin Dillon for not being able to wear my shoes in the house. 

Kevin Dillon in his younger days.  Days when he was making out with my girlfriend.  

Giggles and Gore

There is no sound as wonderful as that of a giggling child.  Unless it’s a child in our house.  We shut that shit down immediately. 

Laughter always leads to disaster.  When I hear my kids laughing hysterically, I know that crying will be following fast on its heels.  Hearing my kids cackle produces the same reaction in me that must have been felt by the World War II soldiers when the air raid sirens blared.  When I see my little gremlins howling with joy in the backyard, it’s as if I’m watching the water recede on the beach before a Tsunami hits.

Giggling was the sound my wife heard just before my older son face-planted on the pavement and knocked out his two front, so-called-permanent, teeth. 

Asher's two front teeth.  Which certainly makes them easier to brush...

Giggling was the sound I heard immediately before my younger child face-planted into the wall at the ice-skating rink and earned eight stitches on his eyebrow.

It's too bad the E.R. doesn't have a frequent user program...

And it was giggling I heard coming from the living room when my older son was playing, by himself, on the couch.  A child’s laughter, while playing with a sibling or a best friend, is bad enough.  But you can bet dollars to doughnuts that if you hear your little urchin whooping it up by himself, an E.R. visit is in your not-so-distant future. 

I was in the kitchen, feeding the cats.  My 7-month-old, Xander, was crawling around just outside the doggie-gate at the kitchen door.  We didn’t have a dog.  The doggie gate was to keep Xander out of the Fancy Feast.  Asher, our 4-year-old, was in hysterics in the living room.

“Asher, stop jumping on the couch or you’ll fall off and crack your head open!” 

Could I have been any clearer? 

It wasn’t more than five seconds later that I heard the laughter abruptly stop, and then a sound similar to Mike Trout hitting a 452-foot homerun over the center field wall at Fenway Park.  Either the plasma television just fell off the wall or Asher landed on the coffee table.      

 I knew it was bad right away.  Because of the silence.  After a serious spill, I like to hear the crying.  As a matter of fact, sometimes the crying is easier on my nerves than the hysterical laughter.  It’s a sign the kids aren’t dead yet.  Not on my watch. 

I pushed the doggie gate over and rushed into the living room to find Asher staring up at the ceiling.  Wide-eyed.  In shock.  And blood GUSHING from his forehead.  There was a shiny white spot above his eyebrow, which, upon further inspection, I realized was the bone of his skull. 

Now… I write horror movies for a living.  Kill scenes are my specialty.  Give me any random household item and I’ll come up with an absolutely disgusting way to use it to kill somebody.  I believe Piranha 3D still holds the record for the most fake blood used in the filming of a motion picture. 

Fake blood. 

Real blood makes me want to throw up.  When my wife was giving birth, and it looked like a scene out of Apocalypse Now between her legs, the nurses needed to leave her side to attend to me.  I’m that guy.

I fought through my sudden nausea (I’m actually getting a little light in the head writing about the event even now), and carried Asher into the kitchen to call 911.  They answer.   I start screaming, “Please, help me, my boy fell and he’s bleeding.  Please come help me.”  The 911 operator responded, “Ma’am, you need to calm down.”  Yup, Ma’am.  While cradling Asher and trying to avoid looking at the blood, I glanced around, realizing that I had totally lost track of my 7-month-old.  I found him behind me, at my feet, happily gobbling up the wet cat food in the corner.  He smiled up at me, showing off all four of his teeth and licked some liver paté off his lips.  The best day of his life. 

A neighbor happened to be walking by as the ambulance pulled up to our house.  He offered to take care of Xander while I rode with Asher to the E.R.  Knowing how squeamish I was, he also cleaned up the living room, which he said looked like a crime scene in a Tarantino movie.

So, yeah, I get a little anxious when I hear my kids busting a gut.  Whoever said “laughter is the best medicine” didn’t have children. 

The cast is handy because it takes the focus off his beat up knees...

Feels So Good -- Rental

Hey everybody!  For a limited time, my indie teen comedy "Feels So Good" is available on Vimeo as a RENTAL.  Yup, it's On Demand for just $3.99.  I'm not sure how long it will be up, but here's the link:

CLICK HERE for Vimeo "Feels So Good" Rental

The movie stars Matt Shively ("Paranormal Activity 4") and Brendan Robinson ("Pretty Little Liars") as two high school outcasts who, in an effort to win over the elusive and beautiful twin beauties at the school (played by Kellie and Katie Cockrell of "Star Trek Into Darkness") go on the adventure of their lives to score an illegal club drug called Bangkok Bliss.  The film also stars Rock Anthony ("Glee"), Shanley Caswell ("The Conjuring"), Hutch Dano ("Zombeavers"), Nate Hartley ("Role Models"), Lisa Ann Walter ("Bruce Almighty"), Charlotte Ross ("NYPD Blue"), Stephen Root ("Office Space") and Jamie Kennedy ("Malibu's Most Wanted").  

The trailer is linked above.  I hope you get a chance to check it out.  And thanks to everyone who has given us ratings and written kind reviews on Vimeo and IMDb.  Let me know when I can return the favor!!!  

Cheers.

Making Indies: Conception

I like a big blockbuster as much as the next guy.  For the number of times I’ve seen Titanic, Avatar and T2 in theaters, I’ve probably paid for two of James Cameron’s Hummers.  I blame my high cholesterol on Bond movies and the amount of buttered popcorn I’ve consumed while enjoying them.  My father took me to my first James Bond movie when I was a kid and I was hooked.  To this day, we try to see the new ones together.  

FUN FACT:  The movie theater where I saw my first James Bond movie, in Sarasota, Florida, is the same movie theater that Pee-Wee Herman was arrested in.  

Anyway, I'm a huge fan of blockbusters.  

But my first love is the indie.... small films that would never have been created had it not been for a band of like-minded artists who willed them into existence.  With no budget for alien invasions or car chases, they rely on acting, dialogue, and story-telling to function as the special effects.  I have many favorites.  John Carney's movie Once, with Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova.  I loved David Slade's Hard Candy with Patrick Wilson and Ellen Page.  Primer.  Sling Blade.  Mean Streets.  Open Water.  Do you realize that the original Paranormal Activity cost $15,000 to make?!?

When I was given the green-light to write and direct my first solo indie, Conception, I was determined not to let our lack of budget be a weakness. 

The genesis of Conception lies in the old adage ‘write what you know.’  When my wife and I conceived our first son, we were in the middle of a huge fight, but my wife was ovulating at the time, so we were forced to still power through and have sex.  Believe me, that night could not be called “making love”.  There is a post about our personal "conception" on Huffington Post if you'd like to read about it.  LINK HERE.  

While my movie isn’t about sex, I certainly couldn’t shy away from it.  One of my favorite directors is Pedro Almodovar.  He never glamorizes sex with soft blue lighting and slow pans across the actors’ bodies.  In that same way, I hoped to address the sex in a natural way without showcasing it.  The film isn’t supposed to be sexually provocative so much as emotionally provocative.   

Writing the script, I pulled a lot of moments from my relationship with my wife, at least as a jumping off point.  To some extent, each couple represents a different time in our 22-year relationship.  

But what was really exciting for me was to show up on set with all these amazing actors who brilliantly gave a different voice to these characters.  They brought such depth to the roles, especially considering the short amount of time they played them... one day each.  But it was the only way I could GET all these incredible actors.  While some critics have asserted that trying to showcase 9 different stories "hurt" the film (because it didn't allow the audience to get invested in any of them fully)... it was, in fact, the only way to attract and lock in all that incredible talent.  

I was impressed also by the entire crew.  We had what’s known as a “skeleton crew”, which is a nice way of saying that fourteen people were doing the job of fifty (or 400 if you’re Michael Bay).  Everyone came early and stayed late.  We shot the film at friends’ houses.  My wife, Leila, both acted and produced.  Our good friend Stephanie Sherrin produced and picked up craft service.  

Some of these scenes were especially tricky because of the emotions I was asking my actors to reach, or because of the nudity and sexual situations.  But even on this low-budget, tight-scheduled shoot, everyone approached the work with a delicate sense of respect and professionalism.    

After screenings, I was so grateful for the reactions I got from audiences.  While the film is "niche" and plays much better to a certain segment (women of a child-bearing age), everyone seems to relate to at least one of the couples, if not more.  That has been the most fun -- to see how people see themselves in all these different relationships. 

While it's been a couple of years since we made the movie, my participation in it hasn't ended.  Just this week, I received emails from the producer asking for more elements for the foreign release (which is just happening now).  And I still receive the occasional email from people who were moved by one of the story lines... "My husband and I have tried to have a child for over a decade and your movie..." "I dealt with many body issues after the birth of my first child..."  I still love getting those emails.  And that kind of a personal response doesn't usually come my way for the work I did on Piranha 3D or Honey I Shrunk the Kids.  

I was reading an article about one of the last Bond movie, Quantum of Solace.  Boiling it down, with a budget of 230 million, Solace cost 2.16 million dollars per minute to produce.  We made our little film, Conception, for about what it cost for 2.9 seconds of Quantum of Solace.  

2.9 seconds. 

That is indie!

Paradoxically, there is something really freeing about having so little money to work with.  You know from the get-go that the only thing you can do is tell the most simple truth you know in each scene you have to shoot.  And even though I hope I can pay my actors and my crew closer to what they’re worth on future films (we had Emmy and Tony winners working for 100 dollars a day... ALL IN)... even if I’m sinking the Titanic on the next movie, I hope that we'll still be ale to hang on to some of those raw moments that indie film forces you to discover. 

If You have yet to discover Conception, a trailer can be found on the "Movie Trailers" page on this site. There are also several selected scenes from the film in the "Directing Clips" page on this site.  The film is available on DVD on Amazon... and streaming sites a well.  

The Mail Bag #1

QUESTION from Rosco4President and MSCO22 and FoxCMC on Instagram (and about a thousand other people on my Twitter and Instagram and Facebook accounts:  Can I be in one of your movies?

ANSWER:  I get this question a few times a week online.  I usually answer it with: "You never know."  Or "I'm looking forward to that one day."  A little evasive.  Sort of the way I answer when my wife asks me if I'm planning on exercising any time soon.  The truth is, though, that these are honest answers.  You never DO know.  And, if the person writing to me is a solid actor or actress, I really AM looking forward to working with them one day.  But here's the sobering reality of the situation… 1)  Sending a headshot and resume to me doesn't do anything.  I will always take a look at it when it lands in my inbox, but unless I'm casting something RIGHT THEN that miraculously needs your look and type, it's going to wind up in a folder on my computer labelled "Actor Submissions" that I will almost certainly never look at again.  It's not out of lack of interest, or lack of empathy... it's more just lack of time.  I don't think about casting until I'm casting.  And that happens for about three weeks a year.  And I rarely get that perfect photo and resume during that time.  Believe me, my heart goes out to actors trying to get their break.  My wife is an actress and I know how difficult it can be.  2)  If I'm casting a big role, I am always getting pressure to cast a "name".  It doesn't matter if the film has a 2 million dollar budget or a 2 hundred dollar budget, the producers are always looking for a name for the leads.  It sucks.  Good actors are getting passed over.  But that's the reality of the business.  One day I hope to have the power to make final casting decisions, but it's not now.  And if I'm casting a day player, or a smaller role, or a cameo, I'm almost always going to turn to a friend.  I've been directing for about fifteen years now.  One of the HARDEST things about my job, one that keeps me up at night when I'm casting a film, is NOT being able to help out friends and people who have stood by me since I was making Super8 shorts in film school.  So if those roles do come around, I almost always offer them to friends first.  My advice… if you're an actor, audition for student films.  You may just get a chance to work with the next Ang Lee (NYU) or George Lucas (USC) or Kathryn Bigelow (Columbia).  I shared my class at USC with Jason Ensler (the very popular director of shows like The West Wing, The Newsroom, and Brooklyn Nine-Nine), Cathy Yuspa and Josh Goldsmith (the writers/showrunners of The King of Queens, What Women Want and 13 Going on 30, and Abby Kohn and Marc Silverstein (who wrote The Vow, Never Been Kissed and Valetine's Day).  There was Sean Hood, Joe Nussbaum, Wendy West… the list goes ON and ON.  All of these folks got their start, with me, making movies in their apartments for Film School 101 (they actually called it 501 when I was there).  Some of the actors I used in my movies back then have had lead roles in my professional projects.  Tim Griffin starred in half of my USC films, and you'll see him turn up in four of the six features I've directed.  I offered him one the leads in the last movie but he was too busy (believe me, I'm no longer doing HIM favors by casting him).  My point is, start on the ground floor.  You never know if you'll wind up in a film by Brian Grazer or Judd Apatow or John Carpenter or Paul Feig or Shawn Levy or Jason Reitman or Robert Zemeckis (yup… all film school students at USC).

QUESTION from nickleask on Instagram:  I would like to email you.  How I can I do that?  Thanks a lot.

ANSWER:  If you click on the CONTACT link in the main menu, there's a very easy way to reach out to me personally.  I don't post my actual email online because it invites all kinds of junk mail.  Please understand, I cannot answer all the emails I get.  General questions will get answered on this blog over time.  If you have something simple, you are MUCH more likely to get a quick response from me on Twitter.

QUESTION from many folks:  Can I send you my script?  Will you read my treatment?  Can I tell you this great idea I have for a movie?  

ANSWER:  Unfortunately, I can NOT accept materials online.  I read scripts that friends send me from time to time, but they are usually close friends (and people who eventually have to call me  up screaming about why I haven't read it in six months).  There are legal reasons as to why I can't engage these kinds of inquiries.  Plus, honestly, you don't need me.  I can't help you in that way.  You're looking for an agent or a manager or a lawyer or an executive or a producer or a million people other than me.  I have a hard enough time getting through the studio scripts I get sent, I'm sorry, I just can't read your material.  On a side note, Josh Olson, the writer of the amazing movie A History of Violence, wrote a VERY funny piece in The Village Voice called: "I Will Not Read Your Fucking Script".  If you haven't read it, do that now!  LINK CLICK HERE

Bad Decisions in Screenwriting: Part I

Everybody makes a bad call from time to time.  

For me, it’s usually the projects that I turn down that I’m later slapping myself for rejecting.  Sure, I’ve regretted writing stuff that I’ve been hired for, but you usually learn valuable lessons writing those projects.  They help you grow.  

Here are my top four “What the fuck was I thinking?"s:

"What the fuck was I thinking?" #1:  

Bobby and I had a meeting with Andrew Panay at Tapestry.  He had just read our script The Last Rites of Steve Guttenberg and wanted to take a general meeting.  He pitched us a story about two best friends who crash weddings in order to get laid.  He basically offered us the job.  We, of course, said no.  Because who the hell would want to see a movie called Wedding Crashers?  Now, to be fair, I don’t think we would have written anywhere near as great a script as Steve Faber & Bob Fisher wrote.  But... still.  Beyond stupid.  You think that’s bad?  Bobby was given a preview copy of Harry Potter to see if he was interested in writing it.  He passed, thinking it was “too British”.

"What the fuck was I thinking?" #2:

Not researching a concept to see if a similar project is in development someplace else can really bite you in the ass.  Bobby and I pitched and sold a project to Fox called Speed Dating with director Luke Greenfield attached to direct.  The film was less about speed dating than about a guy who teaches a dorky guy how to date.  He was sort of a "dating doctor"... a guy who specializes in how to win women over.  Is this sounding at all familiar?  I'm sure it is.  We were putting on the finishing touches of our first draft for the studio (having spent several months cracking the story with Luke) when we saw a preview for Will Smith’s Hitch in the theater.  I almost choked on my popcorn.  Not only was the idea identical, but we had several matching scenes in the trailer that we had already written -- like the male-male kissing scene on the stoop -- we had even written some of the same dialogue.  Five months of our lives (and several hundreds of thousands of dollars of the studio’s money) down the drain.  Stupid. 

"What the fuck was I thinking?" #3:

Shazam!!!!  Pete Segal was directing the movie.  John August wrote a draft.  So did Geoff Johns and Billy Birch.  Before those writers had been brought in, I had several meetings with Segal on the project.  Not only that, but I had an exec over at New Line (the guy actually doing the hiring) calling me, personally asking me to take a crack at it.  He kept saying that he wanted me for the project.  My meetings with Segal were fun and productive, but at some point, I just dropped the ball.  It’s a project I should have fought tooth and nail to get.  One day, it’s going to be a huge film; it’s a great property.  But I got lazy and fumbled the ball on the five yard line.  Stupid.  And all my own fault.

"What the fuck was I thinking?" #4:

Bobby and I got about as screwed over as one can get on Passion of the Ark (aka Evan Almighty).  From getting thrown off our own project without getting our WGA mandated rewrite, to getting shafted in the arbitration process (certainly not a first in this town).  But if we had been a little smarter, we could have protected ourselves from much of the heart-break.  Finding yourself in a seven-studio bidding war only happens once in a lifetime, but should lightning ever strike twice, you can be damn sure we’ll use some of that leverage to protect ourselves... and the project.  Whether it’s trading money for a “no-other-writer” clause or getting director approval, there are ways of protecting your baby when you’re in the middle of a feeding frenzy like that.  We sold out.  And paid for it.  

Josh

Feel free to send questions, comments or anything else you'd like me to rant about to the email on the "Contact" page. 

An Introduction

Welcome.  You've stumbled upon my blog pages.  There are really only three reasons for this happening:

1. You know me personally and for some unexplained and/or generous reason, you just need to hear a little bit more about me.  
2. You're interested in Hollywood and are hoping that I might impart a little of my limited knowledge about working in the television and film business.
3. Something went drastically wrong with your Google search for pictures of Lindsay Lohan's vagina.

In the coming posts, I plan to pass on some stories about my experiences in the Hollywood trenches.

I'm sure you're asking yourself, "Why should I care about what you have to say?"  I know this because my own wife asked me the same question.  The difference is, she HAS to listen to me… you don't.  And the honest answer is, "for no special reason."

There are a bunch of really amazing screenwriting sites out there, and I encourage you to visit all of them.  Craig Mazin and John August have an excellent podcast called Script Notes that is "must listening" for all up-and-coming screenwriters.

In my own defense, I can tell you this… I have a relatively unique perspective on the movie business.  I've been working professionally, carving out a healthy living, for over ten years.  For a while before getting Good Luck Chuck made, I had the dubious distinction of being the "highest paid unproduced screenwriter" in Hollywood (when our Passion of the Ark spec sold).  After Good Luck Chuck, I had dubious distinctions for other reasons.  I've written for both television and features, live-action and animation, children's and adult programming.  I have been hired as a writer of originals, rewrites, adaptations, remakes, and reality.  I've sold specs and pitches.  I've written for small independent projects as well as huge tent-pole event movies.  I've sold multi-million dollar projects to Academy Award winning directors, and have also written New Media projects for the price of a ham sandwich.  I have worked for nearly every studio and network in Hollywood.  I've directed a half dozen movies (some I've written, some not), and I've had scripts on the Black List (The Spellman Files) and the Hit List (Genius).  I have worked as an actor, a cinematographer, a clapper-loader (when they had clapper-loaders), a production assistant, and a producer.

You still may be asking yourself, "Why should I care about what you have to say?"  If that is indeed still your question, I don't have an answer for you.  Feel free to resume your search for Lindsay Lohan's vagina.  

For everyone else, I'll do my best to keep things interesting.

And I'll still be here after you're done with your search.

Josh

Feel free to send questions, comments or anything else you'd like me to rant about to the email on the "Contact" page.